The 25-year-old LIFE CRISIS

• 07 January 2009 at 23:13
• Diary

I have already talked about it more or less in my review of the year 2008, but, yeah, I'm going through... a 25-year-old life crisis!! During my birthday, I thought to myself: "Waw, a quarter of a century. I'm a grown up now." Buring my journey at the hospital, when the nurse stressed that I should call my parents by adding: "You're not well.", I remember watching above and thinking: "Waw, 25, that went fast." During my review of the year, I had the feeling I was just starting to ask myself the right questions, but not to have found any answer.

I have thought a lot about charity and politics a lot, which enable to change things. As a result, I gave a lot of money to charities. Nevertheless, I would like to do more. I keep growing up and I think that one day I will look back and realise that I haven't done anything with my life. I like life, I'm having fun, but I haven't built anything. Completely useless. If things keep going that way, I will die alone and I will be forgotten before even disappearing.

I'm very scared of death, maybe because indeed, I have the feeling I haven't achieved anything. Or maybe it's the contrary. I am so scared of death, I think my departure will be sweeter if I ever get the feeling that I achieved something, that I was useful.

However, I keep wondering what I could do to be useful for the world, and it turns worse. I have the feeling I am not capable of doing anything that could change things for the better. I also have the feeling it may not fit me, that I may just not be like that. During all my childhood, I was told I was selfish. It is said everyone has their own place in the world. Maybe it actually means that some people are in the right place by doing nothing. That's sad. I think everyone can be useful.

Some thinkers believe that the disappearance of spirituality causes problems in individuals. At 25, I find myself facing the question of the meaning of my life and, as I'm an atheist, I don't have any straight answer. However, there are loads of things I could say. The meaning of life could be the achievement of oneself, through the realisation of one's ideal (after managing to define this ideal, which can be a set of values to respect or of projects to execute).

Wow. I always hated that expression, "achievement of oneself", because I thought it was kind of a "catch-all". And now I'm using it. Well, at least, I tried to define it. I'm really in a crisis!

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