Quantum physics killed me #1/3
Raison d'être

• 06 August 2008 at 14:39
• Revelations

• Why go to work every morning?
  To earn money.
• Why earn money?
  To afford to pay a rent, to eat, to dress...
• Why pay a rent, to eat, to dress?
  To live!
• Why live?
  Er... well... because life is worth living.

I love life. Laughing with friends, doing shit on Facebook at work, eating nutella, getting into existential conversations with Ada... Yes, sometimes it's not easy, but honestly, I think I am very happy when I compare with all the misery in the world.

When I discovered I was gay, I thought: "Shit, no marriage, no children". Indeed, it would probably be simpler if I wanted marriage and children, I would think I live to perpetuate the human species and pass my values onto my children, etc. But I quickly realised that it was only my mother's obsession and that I, I finally didn't want this. I got into wondering about the meaning of life, bla bla bla, and I quickly approved of hedonism.

I don't know if it's that I have become an adult, but hedonism is not enough for me anymore. Pleasure is necessary but it's very ephemeral, nearly absurd. And I'm also a bad hedonist. I like partying, but I often prefer staying at home doing nothing. (The real hedonists are the junkies who live for the pleasure that some subtances give them, but nobody wants this kind of absurd life in which life is in the end controlled by those substances and sums up to that.) Somehow, I must probably look for something else, I don't know, an explanation or, a reason. Yeah, a raison d'être.

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  Raison d'être