Cheap self-therapy
Session 3: failure

• 21 May 2008 at 07:00
• Diary, Love, sex, etc.

One of my biggest fears is the fear of failing.

I remember that my failure at the third test for the driving license had completely depressed me. It wasn't the fact that I couldn't drive a car that disturbed me, it was the confirmation of my mediocrity compared to the others. Everybody's got a driving license, and the ones who don't have it are considered as retards. It also linked to other problems, such as my hatred for sports (oddly enough, I think that my issues with car sizes are linked to my inability of shooting a ball correctly), which is yet another sign of weakness.

When I look back, I think to myself that I still managed to settle down in Paris on my own. That I managed to settle down in London as well. That I paid my master's degree by saving money and making a credit that I have already refunded to the bank.

But in the end, is it really that strong? I am gay, I will probably not have children, I won't leave anything behind me. Will I be remembered? I don't want to be regarded as a failure.

However, is it important? Is it important to be stronger than the others? Isn't it some kind of elitist way of thinking, which states that some people count and some don't?

I think that mankind tends to a better future and the best way to live your life is actually to contribute to this ideal, by making charity, research, politics or philosophy...

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  Session 3: failure