Blog

Version françaiseMy Blog RSS Feed

Quantum physics killed me #2/3
Big Loop

Careful, this is gonna be delirium power 10.

Science seeks to explain phenomenons that surround us and, if possible, to predict events. The Grail of science would be a unique law from which all the other laws could be defined. I fantasised a lot on the possibilities of such a discovery. If we could find a law capable of explaining everything, then we could also predict everything, and even control everything! I then imagined, by getting inspiration, consciously or not, from numerous fictions, that there would be a machine in the future that would be powerful enough to modelise and compute the entire universe, but also its past and similarly, its future. This machine, this hyper-computer would be called Big Loop, and this idea that everything can be calculated is called determinism.

In the world of Big Loop, everything would be possible. We would have solved the biggest mysteries, met creatures living in other galaxies, found the remedy to all diseases, discovered the secrets of immortality. People wouldn't work anymore because machines would do everything. Without even realising, I had created for myself an entity that was omniscient, omnipotent and benevolent, that is... God! And it would also manage to resurrect us all in this future that would be the equivalent of paradise, where there would not be misery anymore, work anymore, duty anymore, only pleasure. (I won't go any further into the description of this future, it would take me too long!) I thought I had escaped death.

My goal was then to write a book that would describe this artificial paradise and how it could be reached, including a low-level reflexion on happiness, the "meaning of life", and stuff. At least, I would have done something with my life, I would have indicated a way to escape the infernal circle of death and misery.

But when you're an atheist and you choose science as a reference, given that research makes progress continuously, you have to expect surprises. I read Stephen Hawking's book in which he explains quantum mechanics. The principle of uncertainty who is introduced in it and who is largely accepted in the scientific community, pulverised my theory. If there's uncertainty, there's impredictability of the world, and then, impossibility to create a machine like Big Loop. And just like that, quantum physics ended my dreams of eternal fullness, and was forcing me to reconsider everything. This time, I have to keep in mind this important idea: I will die and my life is happening NOW!

Playlist mood: depressed

I had only Radiohead and Portishead to put in this playlist so I had to broaden my criterias, some songs aren't even depressing actually, but hey... Enjoy this depressing playlist!

Quantum physics killed me #1/3
Raison d'être

  • Why go to work every morning?
    To earn money.
  • Why earn money?
    To afford to pay a rent, to eat, to dress...
  • Why pay a rent, to eat, to dress?
    To live!
  • Why live?
    Er... well... because life is worth living.

I love life. Laughing with friends, doing shit on Facebook at work, eating nutella, getting into existential conversations with Ada... Yes, sometimes it's not easy, but honestly, I think I am very happy when I compare with all the misery in the world.

When I discovered I was gay, I thought: "Shit, no marriage, no children". Indeed, it would probably be simpler if I wanted marriage and children, I would think I live to perpetuate the human species and pass my values onto my children, etc. But I quickly realised that it was only my mother's obsession and that I, I finally didn't want this. I got into wondering about the meaning of life, bla bla bla, and I quickly approved of hedonism.

I don't know if it's that I have become an adult, but hedonism is not enough for me anymore. Pleasure is necessary but it's very ephemeral, nearly absurd. And I'm also a bad hedonist. I like partying, but I often prefer staying at home doing nothing. (The real hedonists are the junkies who live for the pleasure that some subtances give them, but nobody wants this kind of absurd life in which life is in the end controlled by those substances and sums up to that.) Somehow, I must probably look for something else, I don't know, an explanation or, a reason. Yeah, a raison d'être.

Playlist mood: romantic

Link to this playlist on Last.fm

Long life sissies!

It annoys me when I hear gay guys saying they don't like the GayPride because it gives, according to them, a bad image of homosexuality. And what do they reproach the guys marching for? They reproach them for cross-dressing and giving people the feeling that all gay men are "like that", that is to say, effeminate. Or, when it comes to women, too "butch". There are so many arguments to answer that.

First of all, cross-dressing and feminity are not crimes as fas as I'm aware. Just like homosexuality, cross-dressing is an individual liberty and feminity is something you can't do anything against. Take me, for example, I'm a big sissy. When I answer the phone, people get me confused with my twinsister. And what does it change, whether thingy likes to dress up with high heels rather than leather boots? What does it change whether I lift my hand when I smoke? (I mean, smoked, I quit.)

Then, LGBTs must accept each other just the way they are. If we ever hit at each other, we will never make it. There must not be a kind of gay guys regarded as better because they would be more "integrated". We all have the right to the same respect and the same consideration.

Finally, cross-dressing and feminity or masculity are core issues in debates on sexual orientation and sexual identity, because they all question gender. Somehow, someone who doesn't accept a man dresses like a woman is someone who, logically, wouldn't accept a man can be penetrated like a woman. If we get back to the question about the image of homosexuality, it is important to make people accept cross-dressing, so it is important to make it visible during the Gay Pride. Furthermore, platform boots can severely hurt feet! Just for that, drag queens can be proud!

The LGBT flag is a rainbow for a reason, it is so to symbolise diversity among LGBTs. Just this acronym, LGBT, gathers so many different stories, but similar fights.

I really feel like doing some activism again, I really miss it.

The return of the ex of doom

Rejecting a guy you hardly know simply on the grounds that youre not interested in him is difficult. The guy is nice, but you have to slam the door on his face. In theory, I'm a tough defender of the absolute Truth. But in practice, when it may hurt someone, I'm not! So, how do you say no to a guy without pointlessly hurting his feelings?

Well it's very simple! Just make him think the problem comes from you, not him. (Which, in the end, is true: if you don't like him, it comes mostly from you.) There's an excuse matching these requirements: the return of the ex of doom.

Once in a club, I kissed a guy. When we started talking, I realised... well, he wasn't that hot anymore. The day after, he texted me and asked to see me again. I waited a bit and answered:

I'm sorry, I got some news from my ex and I'm quite confused. I think it'd be better not to meet again. Nice meeting you.

And it works EVERY TIME! Besides, the guy is gonna think you're a drama queen, so he's gonna give up straight away! It's more appropriate than ignoring the person's messages, don't you think?

Playlist mood: naughty horny

I listed the 10 songs that make me horny the most. I discovered there isn't many songs that excite me. Sometimes, it's even only because of the title. I added this playlist to my Last.fm account, if you feel like listening. But what I'm mostly interested in, is that you make me discover new songs in the same vibe :)

So, any suggestions?

A Decline in Courage

I am still looking for my political vision of the world. I've just read some excerpts from the speech A Decline in Courage written in 1978 by Solzhenitsyn, that french newspaper Liberation quoted to pay tribute to the russian dissident who passed away last night. This speech talks about the same problems as today.

When the modern Western states were being formed, it was proclaimed as a principle that governments are meant to serve man and that man lives in order to be free and pursue happiness. (See, for example, the American Declaration of Independence.) Now at last during past decades technical and social progress has permitted the realization of such aspirations: the welfare state. Every citizen has been granted the desired freedom and material goods in such quantity and in such quality as to guarantee in theory the achievement of happiness, in the debased sense of the word which has come into being during those same decades.

In the process, however, one psychological detail has been overlooked: the constant desire to have still more things and a still better life and the struggle to this end imprint many Western faces with worry and even depression, though it is customary to carefully conceal such feelings. This active and tense competition comes to dominate all human thought and does not in the least open a way to free spiritual development.

Found on Discours d'Harvard de Soljenitsyne [Erratique]

Scenic Breakfast

  • 04 August 2008 at 10:20
  • Diary
Scenic Breakfast

Last month, when Marie and Berke were there, I slept in Ada and Peter's room.

The fucking sparkle

I met a guy some time ago in a club. After 5 minutes chatting, I took him home. It went on pretty well and we had decided to meet up again.

He contacted me again one month later (!) and told me that he couldn't stop thinking about me and that I reminded him of James McAvoy (probably for the nose). So we went to a restaurant and I realised he was very hot! He works for a charity, he hates the Sugababes, he's left-wing, he reads interesting books, he has humour and... er... well... IT'S HUGE! I think it's the hugest I have ever seen! In a nutshell, the ideal man. And, a sign of good odds and of recovery: I didn't think of the object of my obsession when we were doing it.

The problem was, even though he was perfect, something was missing: the fucking sparkle. The passion, the attraction, the fire, the rush... This guy was perfect, but I didn't feel much when I was with him. The other problem was that I was still thinking of the object of my obsession in general.

And then I received a message on his behalf saying that he had just stumbled into his ex and that he was cnfused, bla bla bla... I told him I understood because I was in the same situation, etc. Personally, when I want to get rid of a guy without hurting him, I always tell the same story: the return of the damned ex. I will write a post about it by the way.

It was a nice story. Now I need to pull someone else :)

Copyright Jujupiter
Tools CakePHP MooTools Silk Icons
W3C XHTML 1.0 CSS 2.0 WAI
Previous picture Next picture