The crisis, dreaming

• 26 September 2008 at 16:02
• Revelations, Politik Pop

You probably know about it... The world is going through a crisis!

Financial crisis of course, with hundreds of billions dollars given to banks to safeguard a faltering system, when organisations fighting against AIDS, hunger and poverty must struggle to get one million. Energy crisis, especially because of the price of oil that has skyrocketed the last few years. Environment crisis, with global warming that could literally submerge the world. And I'm only talking about the most talked-about crises. There are a lot of other problems being ignored or forgotten...

But oddly enough, I think that the economic crisis that is happening, this recession that is said to be upcoming and dangerous, is a great moment. Yes, the crisis, that is gonna make a lot of people unhappy (nevertheless, it has to be stressed that there are already a lot of people suffering), makes me dream.

Yes, I want to believe that this is the birth of a new world, that this is an opportunity to make the world fairer and more harmonious.

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21st Century Hero

• 24 September 2008 at 22:19
• Revelations, Politik Pop

The 21st Century Hero lives ethically
He buys sustainable products
Favours fair trade
Eats organic

The 21st Century Hero (usually) votes for the Left
He works for non-profit organisations
Gives money to charities
Reads news of the world

The 21st Century Hero is a marvellous friend
He listens to and understands the others
Knows how to help them
Had a stunning sense of humour

The 21st Century Hero does a lot of self improvement
He takes time to meditate
Exercices
Is a beast in bed with his partner

The 21st Century Hero is not a celebrity
He understood progress started in individuality
Didn't give up on solidarity
Had ideals and plans

The 21st Century Hero
I wish it would be me
I wish I will become him
I have to be him

(Yes, I did reuse the image for History in the making!)

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History in the making

• 10 September 2008 at 15:57
• Revelations

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Quantum physics killed me #3/3
Living for real

• 08 August 2008 at 12:29
• Revelations

My children will never exist. My pleasure is not a viable goal. My theories about the future have proven to be wrong.

Existing, what is it?! From a down-to-earth point of view, living is existing. But living is not enough. It's like art, litterature, music: they are useless but we need them so much. Giving a meaning to your life is not necessary but it's irresistible.

Is it about leaving a trace behind you? Maybe. I believe that the only things that can give meaning to a life are those that can help other people's life. there are many fields that enable one to influence the life of others. charity of course, in the first place, that helps those who are the most in need. Activism, whi allow you to fight for ideas, for rights, for progress. But also politics, which can change things for the others directly. Scientific research enable progress, philosophy too.

I heard that Einstein said that when a man starts living for the others, he starts living for real. I feel like doing things, I feel like living for real.

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Quantum physics killed me #2/3
Big Loop

• 07 August 2008 at 14:48
• Revelations

Careful, this is gonna be delirium power 10.

Science seeks to explain phenomenons that surround us and, if possible, to predict events. The Grail of science would be a unique law from which all the other laws could be defined. I fantasised a lot on the possibilities of such a discovery. If we could find a law capable of explaining everything, then we could also predict everything, and even control everything! I then imagined, by getting inspiration, consciously or not, from numerous fictions, that there would be a machine in the future that would be powerful enough to modelise and compute the entire universe, but also its past and similarly, its future. This machine, this hyper-computer would be called Big Loop, and this idea that everything can be calculated is called determinism.

In the world of Big Loop, everything would be possible. We would have solved the biggest mysteries, met creatures living in other galaxies, found the remedy to all diseases, discovered the secrets of immortality. People wouldn't work anymore because machines would do everything. Without even realising, I had created for myself an entity that was omniscient, omnipotent and benevolent, that is... God! And it would also manage to resurrect us all in this future that would be the equivalent of paradise, where there would not be misery anymore, work anymore, duty anymore, only pleasure. (I won't go any further into the description of this future, it would take me too long!) I thought I had escaped death.

My goal was then to write a book that would describe this artificial paradise and how it could be reached, including a low-level reflexion on happiness, the "meaning of life", and stuff. At least, I would have done something with my life, I would have indicated a way to escape the infernal circle of death and misery.

But when you're an atheist and you choose science as a reference, given that research makes progress continuously, you have to expect surprises. I read Stephen Hawking's book in which he explains quantum mechanics. The principle of uncertainty who is introduced in it and who is largely accepted in the scientific community, pulverised my theory. If there's uncertainty, there's impredictability of the world, and then, impossibility to create a machine like Big Loop. And just like that, quantum physics ended my dreams of eternal fullness, and was forcing me to reconsider everything. This time, I have to keep in mind this important idea: I will die and my life is happening NOW!

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Quantum physics killed me #1/3
Raison d'être

• 06 August 2008 at 14:39
• Revelations

• Why go to work every morning?
  To earn money.
• Why earn money?
  To afford to pay a rent, to eat, to dress...
• Why pay a rent, to eat, to dress?
  To live!
• Why live?
  Er... well... because life is worth living.

I love life. Laughing with friends, doing shit on Facebook at work, eating nutella, getting into existential conversations with Ada... Yes, sometimes it's not easy, but honestly, I think I am very happy when I compare with all the misery in the world.

When I discovered I was gay, I thought: "Shit, no marriage, no children". Indeed, it would probably be simpler if I wanted marriage and children, I would think I live to perpetuate the human species and pass my values onto my children, etc. But I quickly realised that it was only my mother's obsession and that I, I finally didn't want this. I got into wondering about the meaning of life, bla bla bla, and I quickly approved of hedonism.

I don't know if it's that I have become an adult, but hedonism is not enough for me anymore. Pleasure is necessary but it's very ephemeral, nearly absurd. And I'm also a bad hedonist. I like partying, but I often prefer staying at home doing nothing. (The real hedonists are the junkies who live for the pleasure that some subtances give them, but nobody wants this kind of absurd life in which life is in the end controlled by those substances and sums up to that.) Somehow, I must probably look for something else, I don't know, an explanation or, a reason. Yeah, a raison d'être.

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Theory of Sexual Relativity

• 18 July 2008 at 10:22
• Love, sex, etc., Revelations

Let's talk about sex!

Yeah, I know: this is a first time on this blog!

Until lately, in sex, I tended more to a side than another. No, what I mean, is that I'm gay but that sexually, I preferred one thing to the other. Okay, let's stop beating around the bush: until recently, I was a big passive faggot. But loads of things happened... and I understood many things. By the way, I had a Scientific A-level, with Mathematics as my specificity.

Principle I. The natural tendancy
Everyone, especially gay men, especially, then, me (yes, this is when you have to laugh), has a sexual tendancy that I call "natural". The spontaneous encline to lean on one side rather than the other. The thing I realised is that this tendancy is not immobile. And it depends a lot on self esteem. I noticed that the more I esteemed myself, the more I tended to versatility, that is, when activity and passivity meet. Thus, if the variable T_n represents the natural tendancy, and E_s, the self esteem, one can admit approximately that:

When T_n is negative, the individual is passive, when T_n is positive, the individual is active and when T_n is equal or close to zero, then the individual is versatile. I read, I don't remember where, that most gay men end up being versatile.

Principle II. The relative tendancy
Now, the big piece of news is that the tendancy is not absolute. Indeed, according to the partner, one individual can lean to a side opposite to his natural tendancy. And this can be defined by the esteem one has for the other, and by the difference between one's self esteem and the esteem one has for the other. The more one esteems another, the more one wants them inside. If T_r is the relative tendancy, E_s the self esteem and E_a, the esteem for another, then it gives something like:

Principle III. The law of attraction
And all of this results in the law of attraction. Attraction is, in this theory, the whole of forces and their effects that enable a body to be attracted by another. From my very small experience, I understood that the attraction to someone else, here represented by A, could be defined by something close to that:

It's the relative tendancy reversed. The particularity of the reverse function is that it's got a singularity. Singularity is a concept that can be found in several mathematical and physical theories, like the Big Bang for example. Indeed, if the relative tendancy is equal to zero, which implies that the difference between self esteem and the other is null, then attraction is infinite.

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I will rise.

• 13 July 2008 at 19:02
• Revelations

I had to question myself on numerous levels lately. It seems that one can never be sure of anything. I consider all this to be a positive thing. This is how I progress.

But to go forward, I have to know what I want. I keep discovering things and broadening my universe. I will take time to find the answer. I do not expect it to come to me.

I am deeply convinced that it will eventually make sense. For the simple reason that I have to give it sense. I have an intuition taking me to some direction. I will have to make several choices.

When all the conditions are met, I will do it. And then will come the time I will start to live for real. With the fire in my heart and this divine determination. I will rise.

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Gay romantism

• 16 June 2008 at 21:55
• Love, sex, etc., Revelations

People say I'm not a romantic...

This morning, I'm about to take my train when I come by this guy. In his thirties, pretty hot, un regard de braise (burning eyes, litterally). He looks at me and I look at him. The message has been transmitted. But I have to run to get my train, I'm late. Fortunately, I miss it and I must go to the other platform where the guy went. I stand close to him, we are kind of seeking each other. We get onto the train, face to face, we look at each other, we smile at each other. This game keeps going for two stops and he must get off. He looks at me meaning something like "what a shame".

"What a shame". I hate that idea, "what a shame". Like "we could have but no we can't". Of course yes we can!

I get off the train. I'm already late anyway. I chat him up and asks him for his number. He gives me his number, his name, asks me how I am and then he kisses me on the mouth. Just like that. Naturally, without wondering any question, right in the middle of the Tube platform.

How long had it been since I last kissed a man in a public space? Whether you like it or not, kissing in a public space is still a way to exist, to affirm their identities, to think: "Yes, I like men and I don't give a fuck about what you think". It's still an act of strength, of courage, nearly of militantism. I still have the feeling I am transgressing something when I kiss a man in public, even in London. It makes the act so special, so much stronger than with straight people, so much more romantic actually.

I don't have any illusion. The guy and I are probably not gonna be more than a few parties de plaisir (pleasure parties). But I have a very positive feeling.

I told it to some of my housemates, Andy and Luke, two straight guys, they were gutted that I could pull someone in the Tube so easily: "If I ever did that to a girl, she would call me a weirdo!" I was very proud. Once again, I find positive sides in being gay.

I meet up with the guy on Thursday evening. He answered my text message by saying he looked forward to it.

PS: don't you think this post lacks of pictures?

PPS: I wasn't even shaved! For FOUR DAYS!

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