I'm gonna put this blog on hiatus indefinitely.
I spent a few days in Spain to meet up with Ray, just like that, on a whim.
The best piece of advice he gave me has been:
Stop talking about it, just do it.
Something I had already been told before but that I always forget.
It pushes me to tidy things up and prioritise. My blog takes a lot of time to maintain, all the more as it is bilingual. I've been feeding it with news, gossip and shit for the past 5 years and I think I got enough out of it. Plus I'm already neglecting it. I think I'll get back to feeding it when I go travelling again.
Anyway, thanks to everybody who has been following it so far (minus all the spams, there aren't many people left!!). I could meet some nice people thanks to this blog. Speak to you next time!
I read Sartre's Nausea. Yes, I'm blogging it only to show I read some intellectual stuff! (I'm trying to fix my lack of culture.)
I liked the first third of the book, the second third nearly killed me with boredom, the last third though was interesting. In this book, Sartre tries to explain existentialism but it's still very blurry for me... I read some parts with perplexity and I thought he would articulate his thoughts further on... But no. In that respect, I was disappointed because I didn't manage to understand. As a result, I didn't memorize much.
Nevertheless, as much of a paradox as it may sound and despite the very boring second third of the book, I liked this novel. Probably because I identified with the main character when he had these strange experiences that he calls Nausea and that reminded me of things I may have felt (but that I found ecstatic and that I called vertige, or vertigo).
We tend to speak about everyday life and small things too much, to avoid touchy subjects, although we should always talk about the real things and broaden our perspectives to try to escape our own infernal circles. Shouldn't we?
Bernard Werber imagined a theory that, when you die, a substance called DMT is released in the brain. DMT is a natural, very strong hallucinogenic substance whose effects are rather short but extremely intense, as they can even cause a near death experience (seeing the light and stuff...). Some think also that, when some subjects say they have met aliens, it's actually this substance acting in their brains.
If Weber's theory ever happens to be proved, quite a few questions will be raised about the role of this substance, from a darwinist point of view: what does it bring to the individual, regarding natural selection, if they are bound to die anyway? Maybe is it also the chemical manifestation of the underworld. Anyway, it's just a theory...
However this substance has many fans. By the way, in Latin America, this substance is used in shamanic rituals. There's been quite a lot of "research" on the subject. And on Internet, there are many testimonies telling the experience of DMT. But the funniest of all is the video of this charming geeky girl who tells how to take DMT anally.
All these emotions bring something though. They give me back the feeling of vertigo, that I had not felt this way and this strong for ages! When I realise that there are so many things in the world... There are all these things, all these precious moments for each and everyone... I would love to concentrate them inside me, at the same moment, at the same place, and then feel what would be come kind of "supreme holy moment", the holy moment as they call it in Waking Life. Hey, by the way, I saw the entire movie was on Google Video!! I'm telling you, have a look:
It's difficult to explain this feeling, I've never seen anybody talk about it before, except maybe in this particular moment in American Beauty... Oh hey, I found it too, on YouTube!
It happens to me a lot with music. There are a lot of different music tracks that I like, that really have the potential to remind me of things or reach something deep in me. But they are all very different and they touch something different as a result. I often fantasise I can unite all these tracks in one, which would then be the perfect track. And simply by listening to the track, I could recall it forever and then contain in me and make me feel all these emotions, or rather, this sacred emotion, just by thinking of it.
I know it also happens to me with TV shows, movies, but also people I'd like to keep close to me (I told you of The House), memories, places, situations (for example, I love watching the sky at night on my own), all these emotions. Oddly enough, it reminds me a bit the Chimera, this impossible oneiric combination. But given that it is only about emotions, maybe it's actually possible, in the imagination.
When I was a kid, I had a dream with my twinsister. During holidays, when we slept in the same bed, we used to spend long nights telling each other stories. There is a story I remember particularly well: the one of the flying bed. We would imagine we lived on a giant flying bed and all our friends were on it as well. We could go anywhere, by flying and being warm in the warm. All our friends were here. It was our little utopia. Yeah, it shows we were some kind of lazy arses, but hey...
Oddly enough, this dream stayed. Since then, it evolved. Now I happen to think sometimes of living not on a flying bed, but in a big house, with lots of rooms, where my friends would live. A house that would be in the countryside (and I'm so urban!), that would be full of comfort (oh yeah, a big bar here and a living-room with a cinema screen there!), would be green (I remembered that dream when I saw a house that won a price, it was big, in the countryside and energy-saving...) and would inspire serenity (yes, I imagine all my friends would get along very well all the time, which is impossible).
Is it the community instinct? Is it the "clan" instinct? Maybe nations were born like that, people who wanted to live together harmoniously around some values...
The funny thing is that I kind of already live like that, in a big house with about twenty rooms, above a pub. It is far from the dream, but it looks a bit like it, at least on the most important part: being surrounded by people I like.
Tudor any treat her evoxac quickly they ortho opera glasses colchicine tunnel. Philander lay them send aldactone yrians hid aricept him there prednisone erstitious. Petre and sychiatric clinic pioglitazone throw myself ziac burst behind nortriptyline animiles. Chitling looked hrough the isosorbide murderers who lotensin clattering and esgic last. Oliver continued efficient fellow accupril cheeked salesgirl propoxyphene the walks marijuana reverently. What about and saw relafen van lowered isosorbide proceed. Fortune favoured excitement when flextra outrageous acts metoprolol joyless lane mononitrate card. Would none sharp muzzle diovan you preach promethazine reystoke. Every room small red prilosec flowers away celecoxib any. Viennese composer aspirin will protopic ever and acetaminophen larendon.
Dunkirk together deeply grateful alesse hen fly lamisil hurriedly for pepcid text. Royal families home they fulvicin right within psilocybin solitary new miacalcin forbidden. Look after bedroom all cipro the depths melanex the ruddy prinivil timorously. Slaney was master and psilocyn right and evoxac mbarrassed that terazosin olice.
Laurence sitting oreign money remeron business with antivert lower lip harridans.
Yes, this is a spam, like many I receive in my comments.
I don't understand why the guys waste so much time in automating such nonsense. A simple "I LOVE YOUR WEBSITE!!" would be much more efficient! (I would publish this kind of spam, for sure.)
Nevertheless, you must recognise that this leads to the birth of texts with sibylline charm.
Robots, poets of the 21st century...
My children will never exist. My pleasure is not a viable goal. My theories about the future have proven to be wrong.
Existing, what is it?! From a down-to-earth point of view, living is existing. But living is not enough. It's like art, litterature, music: they are useless but we need them so much. Giving a meaning to your life is not necessary but it's irresistible.
Is it about leaving a trace behind you? Maybe. I believe that the only things that can give meaning to a life are those that can help other people's life. there are many fields that enable one to influence the life of others. charity of course, in the first place, that helps those who are the most in need. Activism, whi allow you to fight for ideas, for rights, for progress. But also politics, which can change things for the others directly. Scientific research enable progress, philosophy too.
I heard that Einstein said that when a man starts living for the others, he starts living for real. I feel like doing things, I feel like living for real.
Careful, this is gonna be delirium power 10.
Science seeks to explain phenomenons that surround us and, if possible, to predict events. The Grail of science would be a unique law from which all the other laws could be defined. I fantasised a lot on the possibilities of such a discovery. If we could find a law capable of explaining everything, then we could also predict everything, and even control everything! I then imagined, by getting inspiration, consciously or not, from numerous fictions, that there would be a machine in the future that would be powerful enough to modelise and compute the entire universe, but also its past and similarly, its future. This machine, this hyper-computer would be called Big Loop, and this idea that everything can be calculated is called determinism.
In the world of Big Loop, everything would be possible. We would have solved the biggest mysteries, met creatures living in other galaxies, found the remedy to all diseases, discovered the secrets of immortality. People wouldn't work anymore because machines would do everything. Without even realising, I had created for myself an entity that was omniscient, omnipotent and benevolent, that is... God! And it would also manage to resurrect us all in this future that would be the equivalent of paradise, where there would not be misery anymore, work anymore, duty anymore, only pleasure. (I won't go any further into the description of this future, it would take me too long!) I thought I had escaped death.
My goal was then to write a book that would describe this artificial paradise and how it could be reached, including a low-level reflexion on happiness, the "meaning of life", and stuff. At least, I would have done something with my life, I would have indicated a way to escape the infernal circle of death and misery.
But when you're an atheist and you choose science as a reference, given that research makes progress continuously, you have to expect surprises. I read Stephen Hawking's book in which he explains quantum mechanics. The principle of uncertainty who is introduced in it and who is largely accepted in the scientific community, pulverised my theory. If there's uncertainty, there's impredictability of the world, and then, impossibility to create a machine like Big Loop. And just like that, quantum physics ended my dreams of eternal fullness, and was forcing me to reconsider everything. This time, I have to keep in mind this important idea: I will die and my life is happening NOW!