Playboy
- 12 October 2009 at 11:09
- Enemy of Beauty
Hold on, a 40-year-old chick, who had three children, on Playboy's cover? She got photoshopped for sure.
Image credits: Matt Groening? Playboy?
Yesterday, I saw the worst reality TV show ever. It's called Miss Swan, it's about choosing women with a physical complex and turn them into beauty queens.
So they choose the most lost women, who are not even ugly, lock them up in a castle and deprive them of mirrors and food. For 3 months, they are on a diet, see a psychotherapist (who must have sold her soul to the devil to take part of this show) and, worst of all, make them go through A LOT of cosmetic surgery. I don't know why but they all needed a rhinoplasty, inflating their upper lip, a lifting (even if they're 30!) and liposuccion (what's the diet for then?!).
Image credits: Fox
As three months of extreme makeover end up boring the spectators, the production team found some tricks to add some drama, even if they have to torture the candidates. So, you see the presenter, who looks like a caricature, going after the most obese candidate and make her see that she doesn't get into her fancy black dress and that if she doesn't want to look like a fatty, she'd better make some efforts with food, blah blah blah... For the other one, we get shocking revelations: "My husband cheated on me and that's why I think I'm ugly!!" The most horrible thing is that these poor women went through heavy surgery and start crying although they can hardly move their face muscles because of the bandages of the lifting and the rhino... It's nearly cynical.
Image credits: Fox
At the end of the show, all the beauty experts meet in the main room (they all look like Ken and Barbie, most of them went through cosmetic surgery as well) and congratulate themselves about the work they've done on each candidate: "Oh yeah, she really needed that nose job!" Then, they let the woman they're talking about come in and so we see the result of the transformation... Suspense!
That was so horrible, she looked like the very stereotype of the american dumbass. (I have nothing against Americans, just dumbass.)
Image credits: Fox
The women were then, one after the other, placed in front of a mirror, a thing they had not seen for 3 months, and they started crying and stuff. The experts surrounded them to congratualte them and accept them into what looked like the kingdom of beautiful people, or some sort of superior caste. The dumbass presenter dared ask a candidate: "Don't you think that, now, the outside honours the inside?"
Every candidate said she now felt much better about herself, blah blah blah... giving credit to the idea that cosmetic surgery can fix every problem. The shrink siad though that her work helped the girls accepting themselves as they were. Shame they are not "as they were" anymore!
And then, they made the candidates compete against each other and chose the best, the most beautiful. It was a terrible slap in the face for the loser: you've been given shit for 3 months, but you're still uglier than somebody else! Bam!
Image credits: Fox
Now I will let you meditate this quote of Margaret Cho:
I get really upset when I see young women getting liposuccion and breast implants. How is it that any different than foot binding? How is it? I don't know, plastic surgery is supposed to do something for your spirit, to make you feel good about yourself, but to me it's just brainwashing, manipulation and mutilation of women! I'm still gonna get it, but I...!
Hold on, a 40-year-old chick, who had three children, on Playboy's cover? She got photoshopped for sure.
Image credits: Matt Groening? Playboy?
Have you heard about the project of law that French MP Valérie Boyer submitted? Write "digitally modified picture" on adverts that show women with impossible bodies? I'm totally for it! Some rightly say that this law would only attack the tip of the iceberg, and that we should do affirmative action towards obese women. Again, I totally favour it! But I think we should go even further. So I'm making 5 propositions that will make up the Manifesto of the Enemy of Beauty!
Yes, thanks to this Manifesto, I believe we can change the world!!!
Now, to find love, you need to cause car crashes!
Let me explain...
This morning, I saw this video, Talk you down, by The Script, at the gym.
If you can't see the video, basically, it's a little rock music guy, apparently things are not going well at all with his girlfriend, and then suddenly, bam, car crash, each of them goes through the windshield of their own car... and here they are reunited! So it's kind of a... happy end? I don't know. What's stunning about this video is how incredibly beautiful they look despite the shock. Normally, when you go through a windshield, your face is wrecked and covered with blood. Well, no, popstars, these superhuman idols, remain perfect.
However, this reminds me a lot of this video Spoiled by Joss Stone:
The credits of that video must be on the website hosting it.
Same thing, she and her guy are each in a car and they hit each other. They go through the windshield and look even more beautiful than models in L'Oréal ads. But the ending is different because it looks like they survive, thanks to some supernatural phenomenon. I guess the director and Joss Stone would explain that this is THANKS TO THE POWER OF LOVE.
Maybe teenage girls watching these videos will think that, in the end, anorexia is so yesterday, that you should now be in a car crash to find love.
Anyway, this is not great propaganda for security belts.
At least, Coldplay, in their video of The Scientist, which also stages a slow motion car crash, showed that the girl dying was an idiot because you could see the moment when she took off her security belt:
The credits of that video must be on the website hosting it.
But hey, don't think that every video more or less recent on the subject are always that melodramatic. In a completely different tone, Madonna, in a video directed by her then husband Guy Ritchie, played a crazy, furious, suicidal woman who would destroy everything on her path, until she drives straight into a post at full speed.
The credits of that video must be on the website hosting it.
Like what, you see girls, car crashes won't bring you love!
I like Rupert Everett. Yeah, just because he's gay and I got to watch his films when I was a teenager and I was wondering a lot about homosexuality. No, I'm not talking about rubbish movies like My Best Friend's Wedding, but rather about Another Country for example. I bought his autobiography (signed but in promotion!) and I fell asleep at the tenth page. Anyway.
I'm disappointed because I learnt through Go Fug Yourself that he had cosmetic surgery. Yeah I know, everybody does what they want with their faces but especially when you're gay, I think you always have to stick to the ideal of the handsome, strong and young man and it's annoying. Anyway.
So, photo of Rupert before:
Image credits: Wenn
Oh yeah, evil-looking, sexily greying hair, and stuff. Now, photo of Rupert after:
Image credits: Wenn
OH MY GOD! What have they done to him??? He doesn't even look like the same person! Rupert, Mickey Rourke's example should have warned you not to go this way!!
Image credits: Annie Leibovitz for Vogue
No, no, no, no, no, no, NO.
I have nothing against Michelle Obama. But this cover, eww! First of all, because I hate Vogue and then because Annie Leibovitz, the famous "celebrities photographer" just made a terrible job on that one. I read arse-licking newspapers praising that cover, but honestly, the First Lady has a terrible face on that picture. And a weird posture.
TOO MUCH PHOTOSHOP, ANNIE!
That, or Leibovitz voted for McCain.
I dream of the day when we'll see a First Lady without makeup, with hairs under her armpits and a humanitarian past...
Update: I changed the title because I have nothing against Michelle Obama, more against the photographer.
In the London Tube...
Image credits: Unknown
She really does everything she can to make me hate her even more.
Image credits: Steven Meisel for Louis Vuitton
But hey, I shouldn't surprised to see Madonna advertising for Louis Vuitton...
On Sunday, I saw the cover of Britney Spears' new album.
Image credits: Kate Turning / Jive Records
First I thought it was some kind of joke for Halloween. I mean, her face looks asymetrical, not as asymetrical as mine though! Plus, it's supposed to be the album of her comeback. And it looks so... boring. As if she was to keep singing the same crap. Well, it is really the cover of her new album. And there yet other people who can't master Photoshop are promoted!
What is so special about these Louis Vuitton bags?
Honestly?
It's good quality, I agree, but I'm sure there are bags of same quality and cheaper. I guess one could say it looks nice as well, however one cannot say this brownish pattern is particularly original.
To my eyes, the only reason why someone would buy Vuitton stuff is snobbery. I don't know if the Vuitton buyer thinks: "I'm gonna show I'm a person of taste" or "I'm gonna show I can afford luxury accessories". But hey, after all, if they want to spend shitloads of money for a bag in order to show off, it's not my problem.
But it turns ironic when LVMH, the company owning Louis Vuitton, considers itself as the victim of its own success. Well yeah, now, something unacceptable to the brand, all the rubbish people want to have a brownish Vuitton bag!
Image credits: WireImage
Here, one of the actresses starring in the student comedy American Pie, Tara Reid.
Image credits: WireImage
The young actress Lindsay Lohan who recently made the headlines for going to jail and more recently for turning gay.
Image credits: FilmMagic
The actress-singer Jessica Simpson whose career is in freefall and who recently tried to make a comeback by singing country music.
When seeing its image of luxury product destroyed by these cheap girls, Vuitton struck back by suing all the music videos featuring their bags (such as Britney Spears' for example) Yeah, looks like, for the brand, luxury must absolutely not look affordable to those who are not part of the elite!
Anyway, that is not that bad. The worst is when LVMH sues a Darfur organisation.
I have to be careful when using these pictures, I could be sued too... But by FilmMagic and WireImage.
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