Last weekend, at the family lunch, we talked about breast implants. I have been told that these implants exploded when planes reach a certain altitude. I didn't believe it, but I started thinking...
Hugh Heffner
Old Playboy founder
Wants to impress
His fabulous playmates
"Let's fly starlets
I'll show you my islets"
He started to whine
So they stand in line
Girls coupled oon, with their nice hair bloond
Their breasts of silicoon, are not paper of carboon
And boon and boon and boon, like a squadroon
They get on the aircraft
Ready for a laugh
The plane takes off
They feel strange, sort of
Their oversized breasts
Explode into crests
Like a military operation
A Chernobyl celebration
Girls coupled oon, with their nice hair bloond
Their breasts of silicoon, are not paper of carboon
And boon and boon and boon, like a squadroon
Well, no, I checked, silicon implants do not explode while on a plane.
Nevertheless, terrorists consider using breast implants to carry undetectable explosives. I can already imagine the titles in the papers: "TERRORIST breast implants". And silicon-filled ladies who refuse to leave their implants at the customs would be pilloried and accused of anti-patriotism, of following an ill-tasted and deadly fashion.
With my mates we were making bongs by cutting pieces off my father's hose. We did that for a long time and then one day, my parents asked for a discussion. I was so scared, I was thinking: "That's it, the party is over." and then... My father started by releasing a brand new bong and told me:
I've been wondering for weeks why the hose was getting smaller everyday. If you wanna get high, at least use some good gear and stop cutting my hose!
I was stunned! But the most surprising thing was my mother's reaction:
Oh dear, I've waited for so long to see one of my children become a stoner! You know, there's a story I've never told you. In my youth, I was a hippy, and once, I met Bob Marley's dealer and we hooked up. I travelled with Bob Marley's band for a few weeks in a van. One day, everyone was completely fucked up, only Bob Marley and I were up. So we took LSD and we went shopping in town. And there, he bought me a bag.
And my mother showed me the bag. She gave it to me saying:
It's yours now.
Oh, do you realise what it represents?!
Once upon a time, there was a big house in England that hosted many people from different parts of the world. Some of them were insiders who celebrated the rite of the Magic Box. Few know what this box really contains, however, it is said it contains great powers. It is also said that, when you open the box, you discover a wonderful world. , une grande maison en Angleterre qui abritait de nombreuses personnes venues des différentes contrées du monde. Certains d'entre eux étaient des initiés qui célébraient le rituel de la Boîte Magique. Peu de gens savent vraiment ce que cette boîte recèle, cependant il paraît qu'elle renferme de grands pouvoirs. On dit d'ailleurs que lorsqu'on ouvre la boîte, on découvre un monde merveilleux. Blessed is the one who will find it.
- Random girl. I think I saw you at a party... You looked hammered.
- Me. Oh! Was I well dressed?
- Random girl. What? Er... yeah.
- Me. Ah, it's alright then.
This encounter never happened but it might one day.
This story of Cinderella, what a bunch of bullshit! What is not told in the story is that during the night when she went to the ball, actually, she was so desperate alone at home that she took mushrooms! She started imagining the pumpkin was a carriage, that the mice were valets, but actually, she was tripping out! By the way, the glass slipper never existed. She did lose a slipper that night, but it wasn't a glass slipper and then, she didn't lose it to come back before midnight, she just lost it because she was too fucked up!
So then, there's a story like what the prince came with the shoe, blah blah blah... Bullshit! Actually, it was Dédé, some weirdo who had a fetish with shoes, especially those who smell, who came to her place. She just wanted someone to marry her so she could escape her crazy family, so he was alright for her. She quickly became impregnated and he had to marry her. She was glad not to be her motherfucking stepmother's slave but she was gutted when she realised she had to be her man's skivvy.
The moral of the story? Well, you'll need more than mushrooms if you don't want to die in your shit!
It's the story of a guy who is dead but who still updates his Facebook profile. He pokes his girlfriend, sends shitloads of invitations to shit groups to his worst ennemies and ignores requests that bore him. He can also keep on watching the news and commenting them.
One day, he realises that his girlfriend has hooked up with someone else. The promises of eternal love, after death, lose their meaning. Then, his ennemies block him. Finally, his friends, thinking that his profile activity is but a sinister joke, have his account terminated. He is now stuck on the first social networking website and incapable of interacting with anybody, he's doomed to watch meaningless updates one after the other.
Yeah, there wasn't any room left in Hell, so the Lucifer administration lock the new recruits in Facebook.
The other day, Melusina, I and the other girls were drinking in a pub in Camden and at the bar Melu met the worst fucking bitch ever. They started arguing and stuff but the security guys threw them out. Outside, Melu took the girl and she beat her up. Honestly, she ruined her face just like that. Besides, the beyatch was already completly drunk, she was so slow, she got like destroyed. tinkerbell made a video with her phone and she put it on Youtube with a title like "8/5/9 IN FOUR FACE BITCH", I was laughing so hard!
But you know, we thought that was it, she knocked the bitch out, let's go, but no! Melu was so mad, and she wanted to annihilate that girl! So when the girl went home with her mates, she was completely hammered, she couldn't understand what was happening, and Melu arrived and decided to have a laugh by... giving her the power to fly! It was SO FUNNY! The girl was walking down the street and just like that, she didn't understand, she started flying! Her friends got crazy!! they started panicking, they were wondering stuff like "Wow, we drank so much, girls!" or "Fuck, someone must have put something in our drinks!" while her friend was floating in the air! So funny! And then she fell on the ground, so funny, she hurt herself so bad that idiot, her friends were still wondering so many questions, but she was so drunk she couldn't understand anything! So she decided to go and have a wee in some corner, she kneeled behind a car and then, DUUUUUUUH, SHE'S FLYING! The pussy out, the piss everywhere, and all! She started screaming like mad, we were laughing out loud! Her friends were running after her, but they were scared of getting pissed on so they just left her fly and all, so funny! When she finished peeing, they caught her and put her down on the floor, they didn't understand anything, the girl started crying and all, really, they were pathetic!! And then the cops arrived and they started controlling her and stuff, we were laughing out loud and we left.
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