Blog

Version françaiseMy Blog RSS Feed
Archives for July 2008

Obama, a world citizen

So, yeah, Obama made this speech in Berlin last week. Even if I wouldn't call it a "historic speech", I liked it, especially when he talked about globalisation, about the fact that "walls must fall" and that he was a "world citizen". Indeed, Obama is a real symbol of our time and Hillary could not have been this symbol.

It's just a shame Americans don't see it and that, as a result, his lead on McCain is narrowing!

Thom Yorke sex symbol

Hey, I'm not the only one with fantasies about Thom Yorke! Looks like TacTac from Coquecigrue is crazy for him:

Is Thom Yorke a gay icon?

When you're bored in bed (with demo!)

When you're bored in bed, you sound as convincing as Microsoft Sam, the synthetic computer voice on Windows. Quick demo:

It appears you do not have the necessary software to listen to this track. You can download for free the Adobe Flash plug-in here.

Description of missing element: Synthetic voice saying erotic stuff (in english)

Audio credits: Voice: Microsoft Sam. Text: Jujupiter

However, the robot is more convincing than I thought. Like what, even machines can simulate.

French Socialist Party Congress:
support who?!

The big political question of the fall will of course be, but who should lead the Socialist Party?

The offers

So, on one side there is Ségo who wants to grab the leadership in order to make sure she can launch another presidential bid in 2012. But things are not looking good for her, for so many reasons. On the one hand, her disastrous presidential campaign is backfiring and on the other hand, her flip-flops on many issues, including economic liberalism, discredited her. On another side, there is Bertrand Delanoë, who wants to lead the party, for apparently good reasons: stopping Royal and redefining the party's ideology in a clear way, even if it has to break up with the radical members of the party. And then, there is the others, particularly Martine Aubry who wants to unify all the sensibilities and especially those who don't want the "presidentialisation" of the party. The thing is, it looks like nothing is going to change with her plan and the party will stay messy and in the opposition for a few extra years.

Audacity!

I read Delanoë's book, "Audacity!" (yet another Obama fan, tss...). I lean more toward him for several reasons: 1, he's gay and as stupid as it may seem, identity politics play an important role. 2, he's the only who managed to beat the right in Paris for the last hundred years. 3, he seems clear enough in his ideas and in the direction he wants to give the party, especially when he talks about the fact that the left should take the concept of libéralisme back. (NB: In France, libéralisme does not mean left-wing but, roughly speaking, the free market. However, the latin roots of the word refer to freedom and when people talk about libéralisme politique, they actually talk about individual liberties.) Now, there's a problem: when reading the book, it is difficult to see a real new vision for France. Nevertheless, "a faggot for France" would be a great tagline in 2012.

The left

But the real question is, what orientation should the party go for? Should it go social-democrat to adapt itself to the free market or should it stay an antil-free market chimera? Capitalism and free market are currently going through a crisis and the first option would be risky if the crisis keeps going. Nevertheless, I think that if Delanoë makes it and the party breaks up, the French can hope for a complete change in the left and the appearance of two forces: the moderate left with the Socialist Party and the radical left with the New Anticapitalist Party. I think such a clear and honest configuration would benefit the left.

Enemy of Heroes

The rubbish TV series Heroes is gonna resume soon. It basically talks about people with superpowers and who fight each other, some want to destroy the world of course, blah blah blah... Here is a poster you can find in the Tube and which reads something like "Who can you trust to save the world?"

A promo poster for TV show "Heroes"

Image credits: NBCU

Well, surely not two idiots with blonde-dyed hair.

Thank you Clawfire!

Clawfire gave me one of these stupid chains. This time it's about listing your 10 favourite movies. So:

  1. Gattaca because everything in this movie is good: the story, the subject, the photography, the acting...
  2. The Truman Show because it's a funny and clever movie. The script is also by Gattaca's director/screenwriter, Andrew Niccol.
  3. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, another movie with Jim Carrey, but once again clever, creative and funny.
  4. Dracula, the most romantic movie of all. "Mina, drink it and join me in eternal life..."
  5. 2001, a Space Odyssey, a crazy movie that asks the greatest questions of mankind: our origin, our part, our future... and that delivers a puzzling answer. I like Stanley Kubrick a lot, many slow and long sequences but a lot of weight.
  6. Mulholland Drive, from one of my favourite directors, David Lynch. A movie impossible to understand before watching it several times. I won't say more but I identify to some scenes very well.
  7. All the Alien: Alien is the best xenomorph ever designed. His body, his intelligence, his way to reproduce, everything is perfect in this monster. And Ellen Ripley is a true hero.
  8. Exiles, because I had to cite a French movie and I like Romain Duris :)
  9. Drop Dead Gorgeous, one of the only movies I can think of right now, a lot of dark humour for a beauty contest in deep America.
  10. Secretary because it talks about sex and it's very funny.

I listed those that popped in my mind, there's probably other movies I like more, but anyway...

The gang bang fantasy

I'm in a teasing phase.

So, yeah, some time ago, one of my biggest secret fantasies was the gang bang. I was dreaming about getting the attention of several guys at the same time.

It is said that fantasies can tell a lot about someone. I think it's true, because this fantasy was telling a lot about me: lack of self-esteem, need to get people's attention to feel worthy of affection. It's also a very selfish fantasy whose goal isn't to pleasure other people, but to feel beautiful in other people's eyes. I think it is a very narcissistic fantasy.

Yes, in the end, it all comes down to this again. Self-esteem, rejection, the Theory of Sexual Relativity...

No, I didn't fulfil this fantasy. I mean...! No, it was just a friend and his boyfriend... And I don't have this fantasy anymore.

PS: you wanted a picture there as well?!

My Coming Out

  • 28 July 2008 at 07:18
  • Diary

I came out about my homosexuality at 14. Yes, I am very proud I did it that young (even though I know guys who did it even earlier). Why so early?

  1. When I was a kid, I had heard my mother saying she would throw me out of the house if I was gay. So I thought I should tell here before I hit 18 so that she can't do that!
  2. I had known my sexual orientation for two years and I was accepting myself a bit everyday.
  3. I had been called a "sissy" and a "faggot" again that day at secondary school and I would have liked to confront these bastards on that subject, but my family had to know first. (The truth is I was too scared to face the school jerks and I made up an obstacle.)

My mother had the exclusivity. I saw her after school and told her I had something to say to her. She asked what it was about. And then, ha ha, I was overwhelmed by the emotion. I mean, I had to tell her that I was a homosexual, although she didn't accept homosexuality, and that I would never give her any grandchild. When she saw my face, she asked me if I had been attacked at school, mugged or hurt, in a nutshell, she was always wrong and she repeated herself. After some time, I cried. She sat next to me and held me tight (my head was basically against her breasts) while asking me what was wrong. I told her: "I... am... ho... mo... sexual.". Wow. That was it, that was said, that was done. Her shirt was wet.

And then she said: "Of course nooooooo! You have too much imagination, you're not homosexual! For example, you don't do cross-dressing". A surreal conversation followed in which I implied I masturbated by thinking of men and not women, but according to her, it was "just a phase" and she would ask my father to talk about it with me. I didn't have the strength to go on with this conversation and I went to my room. My father and I never had this conversation.

My parents went through a long digestion phase to accept it. It took them years, fights and tears. All the more as my big sister became a lesbian on the way. Imagine the shock for my mother. But now, everything is fine. For example, a few years ago, when I was part of the Board of Directors at the student LGBT association Dégel, my parents came to the Gay Pride to see me on the float.

And what about you? How was tour coming out?

Story of an obsession #Epilogue
Post coitum conversation

Two days after the dreadful pleasure (I use this event like a time mark, like Jesus Christ's birth!), I told you I had seen a fuck buddy. However, I didn't tell you the little conversation that followed our partie de plaisir, after I told him that story:

  • Him. So, what are you gonna do now?
  • Me. Well, I'm gonna meet guys, until I find one with whom it works.
  • Him. Oh, you mean, being a whore.

No, again, not a "whore", a "liberated gay man"!

Story of an obsession #7/7
Positive balance

Looking up to the sky

It's funny how people can hurt each other.

The thing is, to move on, you need to want to. Indeed, why would I have wanted to move on? Only thinking about him, seeing his face again, imagining myself with him again, dreaming the day he would come back, was enough to please me. But as frustration grew stronger and every pleasure was nothing but a chimera, reason was taking over and pushing me to move on.

This is the end of this obsession. I think about it less and less everyday. I still have some reflexes pushing me to check a few things, but I don't have the passion going along it anymore, this adrenalin rush that was taking me every time something about him was coming up, like a slow anesthesia.

However, I'm not over him yet.

I realised when I came back from the hospital that , even though I sleep without pillow, I used to keep one on the left-hand side of my bed. It was, indeed, the side where he used to sleep, and I was leaving this pillow here, just in case he came back. I'm so fucking stupid! Likewise, I had saved all of his text messages. I erased them all since then, by accident. I still dream about him from time to time, but even in my dreams now, he doesn't want to be with me.

To find some motivation, I repeatedly play the song Overpowered by Roisin Murphy. In this song, she talks about the feeling of liberation she has by getting over her ex, especially since it was long overdue, but she also wonders about the attraction she felt for this guy and wonders if it wasn't just chemical. At least, that's how I interpret it!

Some tell me: "Anyway, you were different!". Thank God! I don't expect my man to be a blueprint of myself! Some people, even very different, can, I think, live a beautiful story together, just like... er... Carla Bruni who calls herself left-wing but who shags Nicolas Sarkozy, man of the hard right and President of the Republic! Or even... Pocahontas and Captain Smith!

Writing this story is not modest at all from me, but I have the feeling it enables me to say I've thought about it through and that it is part of the past.

In the end, I think I've been lucky. Even if this story will have been very pathetic, I still have lived emotions that took me over and made me feel an irresistible wave to go to the other... Etc. Otherwise, I have learnt something. Even if I didn't fall in love with him, I now know that I can feel love. Apart from him, I had only one significant relationship, 6 years ago, it was very different, and even that time, I didn't feel what I felt with him. Looking forward to the next one!

Copyright Jujupiter
Tools CakePHP MooTools Silk Icons
W3C XHTML 1.0 CSS 2.0 WAI
Previous picture Next picture